Roy Keane’s furious Manchester derby rant dissected

There was a silver lining on Sunday that Roy Keane might not need to do his thing with Roy Keane.

Ahead of the Manchester derby, he cautiously predicted United could get if not exactly ‘a result’, than a nebulous ‘something’ from their trip to Eastlands.

At this point in the post-Ferguson decade, might that be a gutsy performance ending in a loss, a penalty or a megastore cup? A 4-1 loss later and Keane’s fury was on display for his weekly duty period.

There’s a feeling he’s tired of his own shtick now. You can’t imagine he’s happy in the starring role in modern punditry’s theater of outrage, and it’s clear he’s not so livid all the time. He seems happy enough, for example, to gently send himself off in this Craven Cottage betting commercial.

Even after that match, he didn’t seem angry at first, just disappointed. Faced with sulky disdain, his first installment of punditry was as resigned as United’s players:

“I think the worst thing you can say about United is that they quit. For a player in a derby, in any game, to quit is really unforgivable.

Unforgivable is a strong word. No turning back, all ties cut forever. You imagine a lot of things are unforgivable in Keane’s world. Train delays, son leaving cereal in a bowl so it’s going a bit rough, pigeon flapping its wings funny.

“We saw the shortcomings of United today. There is a way to lose football games, but the way United lost it today… They stopped running, they gave up. players who don’t run back, that’s what I don’t understand The manager will be criticized, the tactics, but players who don’t run back, it’s really unacceptable They threw in the towel, this which is shameful.

Today’s word of the day is shameful. Don’t worry, there’s a lot to do because not running, not running fast enough, or not running in the right direction seem to be the things that bother Keane the most.

“You need CHARACTER, you need PERSONALITY.”

Wait, are we saying that 2000 Intertoto Cup winner Ralf Rangnick isn’t the man to inspire these things?

“Your own pride has to come out at some point eventually. We’re watching it live and I’m really frustrated watching it.

Without a doubt. Too bad Sky Sports doesn’t offer an expert picture-in-picture camera, so we could have seen Keane’s reaction as Aaron Wan-Bissaka was obliterated by Phil Foden as if he were Tyson Fury tackling Ron Weasley of the Philosopher’s Stone era.

“There are five or six players who should never play for Man Utd again. Just shameful, shameful that you can’t go back and put your body on the line.”

There is still this word. Who knows what level of anger he might reach if clubs other than Manchester United hurt him so much? Burnley give up when 2-0 at home to Chelsea. Shameful. QPR leading then conceding twice at Cardiff in four minutes? Ashamed, ashamed. Gillingham ride 3-0 at home to Bolton, disgraceful, disgraceful, disgraceful of Kent.

“Wan-Bissaka, Fred, Maguire, Rashford arrived, I could go on.”

You’re welcome. You wonder who would have been next. Elanga, De Gea, Ronaldo, Clayton Blackmore?

“They gave up and shame on them.”

At this point, Micah Richards couldn’t bear to suppress his laughter any longer and let out a loud peal of laughter. This undermines Keane’s appeal. If his apparent anger is no more than a joke, then why should we still listen to him?

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